Maybe I’m posting at the wrong time for this ‘How to Survive’ guide to be of any use to anyone, seeing as these things normally occur around the end of the year (or the beginning for those of us lucky enough to work in hospitality) but perhaps save it and remind yourself of it next year.
Anyway, here I am with a veeeeery useful, not-at-all-sarcastic guide on How to Survive the Staff Party.
1. Don’t skip your lectures
Listen, I know that you could argue that going to a staff party helps form bonds and it’ll be a cracking good time and after all your hard work you deserve it, but if you’re a part-timer purely there so you can make enough money to survive your uni course, is taking time out for a bit of a piss-up really worth it?
2. Pace your drinks, to avoid embarrassment
So the staff party starts at 11.30AM, and encompasses a 1 hour bus journey. Road beers are definitely not a good idea, because you definitely do not want to be steaming before you even get off the bus. Don’t go overboard on taking advantage of any open bar that may occur, and shots? Don’t even get me started.
3. Stay AWAY from your cute co-worker
Don’t sneak outside for “a fag” and make out with him behind the corner, don’t get spotted by your other co-workers and for the love of God, do not spend any time sat on his lap making out with him, for all the world to see.
4. Your manager is not your dad, do not refer to him as such
The “we’re not coworkers, we’re family” cliche may exist, but trust me when I say you do not need to inform your manager that he is “such a dad”.
5. You will not appreciate photos in the morning
Has anyone come away from any sort of night out or party with drunk photos that they genuinely appreciate? If you’re lucky enough to get anything more than blurs that take up precious space on your camera roll (which is all one gets when taking photos on a moving bus), they will probably still be horrific, and only remind everyone of the foll you made of yourself the night before.
6. Remain a picture of professionalism and grace
You’ll have to work with all these people in the morning, they do not want to see your ‘fun side’, especially if your fun side involves splitting between telling everyone how much you love them and trying to jokingly ‘fight them’.
Ellie May Sibley 